Fall in Love in 36 Questions

February 13, 2015

Following the LOVE theme of the week, I wanted to talk about the idea of love.

Have you all read the article from teh NYT, “To Fall in Love with Anyone, Do This“? It went viral last month, and refers much to the study by the psychologist Arthur Aron (and others) that explores whether intimacy between two strangers can be accelerated by having them ask each other a series of specific questions that become more probing and intimate as the continue. I’m sure this article has inspired many a first or 13th date that has resulted in a 36-question/answering marathon, and 4-minute staring session.

In fact, I may do it tonight.

The article doesn’t ask simple questions, but does break down the idea of falling in love into simpler ideas. Read it, and really consider, can we love smarter? Can our heart and mind work together to bring about a better match? Should we follow one over the other? With hormones and

pheromones, we know there is science behind love. If so, can there be a better, more efficient and succinct way to find a match for our needs?

That’s what I feel these 36 questions lead us all to in the end. They help you and your partner see each other more clearly. They help you clear the air. They ask questions that we will all likely get to down the line in our relationship, but ask it upfront, and save us tons of time. Plus, I really love the idea of having the partner note things they admire about you. The positive reinforcement and appreciation, even early on for me, helps me see the person positively, as my adulation and admiration is reciprocated. It’s matching positivity with positivity, and it seems simple, but it’s so powerful.

With the popularity of the article and questions, there’s now a web app, and a card game in development (of course). The Love Game will scroll through the questions for you and your partner, and you can work at your own speed. It’s an interesting idea.

And if you just want to read the questions, I’ve pasted them below. I’ll be using it on my first dates to quickly guage our closeness and vulnerability. I’ll let you know how it all plays out!

Set I

  1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
  2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
  3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why? 4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
  4. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
  5. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
  6. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
  7. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
  8. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
  9. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
  10. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
  11. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
  12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II

  1. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
  2. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
  3. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
  4. What do you value most in a friendship?
  5. What is your most treasured memory?
  6. What is your most terrible memory?
  7. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
  8. What does friendship mean to you?
  9. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
  10. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
  11. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood happier than most other people’s?
  12. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?


  1. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “
  2. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “
  3. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
  4. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
  5. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
  6. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
  7. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
  8. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
  9. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
  10. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
  11. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
  12. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Did these questions work for you? Was it an interesting game?

Love all your lovely parts!

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